The Frustration of Being Misunderstood

Posted: 2nd May 2010 by admin in Uncategorized

I just broke up with my girlfriend after knowing each other several years recently, and near the end, all that understanding I thought she had about my background really makes me wonder how much of the self and the TCK label were what led to the misunderstandings with each other.

Many of the arguments that came were how I was always frustrated that she and other people just didn’t understand why I thought things the way I do, and how neither Chinese, Filipino, or American people get along with me, showing I must have some serious issues. It came to the point that she said that if everyone doesn’t understand, then I must have a problem, and if I keep blaming them for not understanding, then I am a sociopath.

How painful. I’m not normal, I am alienated and ostracized, and I am a sociopath.

How much of my problems are self-created? What about me is me, and what about me comes from being a TCK that creates this personality?

I still fall into the trap of thinking there is something wrong with me, and I believe it because everywhere I go, even when knowing I am a TCK, I just don’t think that explains a lot about what I feel is wrong with me.

Even if I try to keep my cool and understand others for not understanding me or what being a TCK is, I can’t help but look at the results of all this: even my own friends ostracize me (save for a few TCK and some understanding individuals), so I really think that even if a lot of my perspectives and experiences are the same as many TCK people, I still believe it is me who has serious problems.

But what do you expect? I am reinforced daily for all my shortcomings and failures with the way people treat me or dismiss me. It especially hurts when the person I have a lot of emotional investment in just throws it all back at me and all that understanding I thought she had went out the window as she left me.

Perhaps I shouldn’t even be writing this here. Maybe it is just a personal problem, not a TCK issue. Other TCK people I come across don’t seem to have as much ostracism, but again, who knows?

This is me at a very weak moment, pondering over a balcony ledge overlooking a city, thinking about spreading my arms and flying, then kissing the pavement.

  1. Anonymous says:

    First of all, my sympathy for you. There is no good ending in romantic relationship and it hurts a lot afterward. Cheer up – there is always ups and downs in life. I had my worst moments, but when you look back afterward, I always can’t help thinking “hey, that worked out pretty nice.” Think it as a “good warm-up” of what is coming to next, making yourself a better man and have clearer understanding of what you want.

    Just like what you wrote here, I was very stressed out because of my friend relationships in high school. I did not really get along with anyone except a very few people. From highschool junior to college freshman, I was so stressed out because I couldn’t really get along with Koreans nor Americans (except very few people). I was on the verge of depression and thought I’m a black sheep.

    Somehow I got to be connected with people (not necesarrily TCKs) who have a lot in common with me, in terms of way of thinking. Then it all got better – well, to be honest I still have difficulty hanging out with Koreans, and many of my friends are non-Koreans. But still it’s better than before.

    So don’t blame everything on yourself. It’s just you did not get to meet the right person – girlfriend, friends, colleagues, etc – yet. They will come along. I know it requires a lot of patience. Enjoy things around, and entertain yourself.