On Being a Christian and “Hating” Christmas

Posted: 20th December 2009 by admin in Uncategorized

I just realized why I always “hate” christmas. It’s not because I don’t love Christmas. I do! I’m Eastern Orthodox (long story but I converted to that and this is apparently “typical” TCK behaviour, so ….)

Anyway…I just realized why, every year, for 20 years I “hate” Christmas. It’s not because it’s “commercial” and there’s no “Christ” in “Christmas”. All that is for shallow American nut-jobs who have no lives. ( GRIN—just kidding!)

It’s not even because where I’m am, it’s very cold, snowing and wet, dreary, with lots of clouds. I like clouds! I paint them very well in landscapes, seascapes, city scapes. I mean, the snow…that’s supposed to make me HAPPY isn’t it? “White Christmas”??? We have beautiful, tall pine trees here, that we can even cut ourselves, if we want a “real Christmas tree”. (O Tannenbaum, O Tannenbaum, Wie treu sind deine Blaetter!…. Stille Nacht, heilige nacht! …okay I’ll stop … but trust me, you would like my singing. My mother taught me and she was an opera singer before she married my crazy, wandering father! 🙂 )

Anyway, here’s why I “hate” Christmas. I “hate” it because:
it’s not hot, sweaty and damp. You can’t see ANY humidity where I am. Here it’s dry, sometimes snows, but DRY as a bone! And it’s COLD!!!!

It’s “supposed” to be 120 degrees Fahrenheit, IN THE SHADE. And the humidity should be at 120 percent. (and rising!) You should be able to see the humidity in layers over the tops of the trees…at the edge of the Liberian jungle. There’s no evergreens or pine trees in Liberian jungle!!! Get serious! By the way: it’s mamba season….they LOVE this time of year. And so do I. And we don’t have any mambas here. Just rattlesnakes. Puppy dogs of the reptile world, here.

“Do they know it’s Christmas time in Africa????” (Bob Geldof, “Band Aid”)

Yeah, they really do, you colonialist jerk.

(PS : forgive my teenage angst. I’m working through it. I’m sure Geldof really isn’t a colonialist. At least, I’m sure he doesn’t “intend” to be one. His ex wife would probably agree he’s a jerk, but I’m sorry I said it. I don’t even know him. But you get me right??? Also not all Americans are shallow nut-jobs. Just the ones in charge of our media.)

Allright, so I’ve had an overnight to think about this.

I also am “hating” Christmas because it’s snowing and yes, we’ve got “white Christmas” but:

There is no “Weinachtsmarkt” hier. Zip. Nada. Nothing. Keine gluhwein, keine weisswurst mit senf, keine rahmschnitzel, keine spaetzle. Keine umlauts on dieser keyboard.

So what I have here is a seirous problem. What I NEED, for my mental health, is:

Christmas with : Liberian jungle full of pine trees, hot and humid in daytime, cold and snowing at night, with little drummer boys wearing Liberian shirts, and gluhwein served in coconut bowls. Easy right???

  1. Anonymous says:

    Mmm, du hast mein Hunger gezuenden. Heiss spaetzle mit Schinken und Kaese… und ein Parkbrau… Ich vermisse Deutche Bier, der neiderlaendish Importe sind Scheisse…

    My Deutsche was never particularly awesome and I haven’t used it in years, but this was a chance to practice!

  2. Anonymous says:

    I tend toward the accent I hear in the place I am. Honestly, sometimes it is difficult just to speak with a normal accent.

    I can remember one incident where I was talking with an Argentine friend of mine who wanted to practice English, and then my brother told me afterward that I had been talking with an Argentine accent. This was annoying because my friend was of course trying to make his English sound “western” like mine. haha…

    I grew up with both Australian and American accents, so I can switch between either of them, but like I said, I generally start speaking like those I am around – even going so far as to imitate their tone of voice.