Encounter with a tck ex

Posted: 2nd June 2011 by admin in Uncategorized

Hey daddy ūüėÄ The characters escape my fingers before I have time to think. Sometimes I wonder if online conversations are faster than they are real life. Do we type faster than we talk?¬†

 

We make small chit chat, but he wants some casual sex. Is it ever as casual as it starts off? Of course he veils himself with an innocent and coy invitation to cuddle. His invite actually comes off smooth and playful. An outsider might think he’s a good friend who’s developed an innocent crush.

 

I have this theory that the things said in jest are the most important. We’re scared to say them, so we use the guise of humor. Love and hate are easier packaged as off hand witty remarks. If we say them playfully maybe they won’t hurt as much.

 

But there is nothing playful about the way he’ll crush my heart and walk right out. His sense of self preservation is so strong, he’d never risk allowing me to crush his. Long ago, when ¬†his arms held a better facade of warmth and love, he told me his secrets. One night, after a few shots of whiskey I sang Rocky Mountain High in his bed. One night, he told me he was afraid of being a serial killer.¬†

 

The first time I got into a car with him I didn’t even know his name. He was some random hot guy I had been chatting up online. I had been blowing him off for months, and I had a 2 hour block to kill that day all of a sudden. It was dinnertime and he was in the area. That’s a secret I’ve still not told him.

 

That one’s all mine. It pegs a sense of security that no matter how much of a dick he is, I’ll have that little detail to amuse myself with.

 

But the sex with him was oh so good. Maybe because neither of us were afraid of show the darker sides of ourselves to each other. Because somehow we understand the other to be a lot like ourselves.

 

I knew he wasn’t like any other man on the first date. We were rambling off stories and small talk, when I mentioned I rode an elephant once. His response was a casual “me too”.¬†

 

At that precise second, I knew I would sleep with him. 

 

So we dated for a few months before we realized all we had was incredible sex. I waited for the moment where we’d realize we love each other. We waited and came. But the moment never did.

 

I ran into him the other day, and somehow ended up at the farmers market. Its so casual and easy to be around him. We buy organic homemade¬†Popsicles¬†from a hippie. We put our arms around each other. We tease each other and suck each other’s dripping¬†Popsicles. There’s a second too long when our eyes meet.

 

But this isn’t a cheesy romantic comedy. At best, its the start of a cheesy porn video.

  1. Anonymous says:

    ah! I forgot to check back here yesterday!

  2. Anonymous says:

    I dated someone very similar to what you describe. The emotional roller coaster is not worth it.